Goodbye James
by Adrianne Hershae
Summary: This is a story of unrequited love. There were two hearts, not one, that broke the day Lily Potter and James Potter were married. Pairings are JamesOC, SevLily and JamesLily. This is my first HP fanfic. The T rating is for some of the adult themes.
1. What happens

**Good-bye James**

**Author's Notes:**

This is a story of unrequited love. There were two hearts, not one, that broke the day Lily Potter and James Potter were married. The pairings are mixed:

LilySev – unrequited love

JamesOC – unrequited love

LilyJames – true love

There will be a few links from this fanfic to another one of my HP fanfics.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

**What happens**

_Is it alright to want something - someone - that you can't have? Is it alright to feel this way – disappointed, bitter, sad, even angry? _

We were only 6, so I doubt that he even remembers, but I do. Our parents had taken us out to this pond. I can't remember exactly where. I can just remember that when it was time to go, we hid in this really leafy tree. At the base there were a few lilies. Once we'd reached a good height, he handed me one and gave me a small peck on the lips. If my complexion had been any lighter I would have turned bright red. "We gonna be best friend's forever!" he told me with a cheerful grin.

I nodded shyly. "And when we grow up we can get married just like my mummy and daddy and your mummy and daddy!"

I nodded again smiling. Suddenly we heard from below, "Ha! We found you James! We found you Kerry!"

"Awww!" exclaimed James.

I almost fell, but James caught my hand. I was such a girlie girl back then. I wondered if they'd heard us. What if they'd actually seen us? I didn't care because as long as I had James, what would it matter?


	2. When you fall for your best friend

**When you fall for your best friend**

_James and I – we go way back! We were neighbours up until graduating from Hogwarts. 10 of those years, we were the best of friends. I guess you could say that I've always loved him, but the feelings really started to kick in during our 2__nd__ year at Hogwarts. I was 12-years-old and ruling the roost with my girl, Janice against the infamous Marauders! Life was sweet up until that time._

There was this one night, when the boys had planned to get a midnight snack from the kitchen. Apparently the if you tickled the pear on the fruit basket portrait there'd be a secret passage way leading in. We decided to intercept them. Pranking the pranksters was always the best of fun. They'd have to use the invisibility cloak for this one so, of course, it was only James and Sirius going out. When it came to stealth, Janice and I were right behind James' invisibility cloak. We carefully snuck past Remus and Peter in the common room. Once we were out of Griffyndor Tower, to we pointed to our eyes. "Felis oculos," we whispered.

Learning the cat's eyes transfiguration spell had taken us a month, but it had been worth it. The hallways were still lit at night, but it was usually barely enough to see. For light I was guessing that James and Sirius would be using lumos. They'd have to go past that new teacher's office on their way to the portrait – Professor Magonagall. It was perfect. We ensured that there was no light to illuminate us, sticking to the shadows. Then, when the opportune moment had come, we quickly snagged James' invisibility cloak, wrapped ourselves in it and quietly ran from their clawing hands. "Alohamora!" I whispered to Magonagall's door.

"Flippendo!" yelled Janice.

Even if we couldn't open it, she would. We quickly headed out of the way leaving poor James and Sirius exposed. It was just our luck that Remus and Peter had come to investigate getting themselves caught too. "I thought I saw Janice and Kerry sneak out," Remus tried to explain.

"Mister Lupin!" she exclaimed, "I have heard nothing but good things about you! I'm am very disappointed!"

He bowed his head in shame and I felt a little guilty. "Hey!" yelled Sirius, "But we saw them too!"

Professor Magonagall peered around with narrowed eyes. Janice and I took this as our cue to leave. We hid away until the commotion died down, ensuring that no one would be around to catch us during our next act. Just to put a cherry on top, Janice and I stole their gig and managed to get midnight snacks for ourselves. Hard work was never so satisfying!

The next day, I returned James' invisibility cloak. "Thanks James!"

He rolled his eyes. "We knew it was you two!"

"Here, payment!" I told him with a chuckle tossing him pumpkin pastry.

"Kerry!" complained Sirius, "Why did you have to go and rig up our plans? We're on detention now, even Remus!"

"Oh right!"

I turned to Remus also tossing him a pumpkin pastry along with the bag of Bertie Botts every-flavour beans that I had. "Sorry about that!" I told him, "Really!"

"Oh, it's fine," he told me, "I shouldn't have gone out anyway. Thanks!"

"Hey!" called out Sirius, "How about some payment for stealing my idea?"

I rolled my eyes and chucked him a pastry too as well as Peter. "Sorry Sirius, baby," I cooed mockingly, "There's only room for two in this school's list of top pranksters."

"Fine, fine," agreed Sirius strangling hold of James by the neck, "Me and James!"

"Hey!" yelped James.

"Save me Kerry!" he pleaded trying to look innocent.

"_Him and his brown, brown eyes,"_ I thought growling down the heat rising in my face.

I bashed Sirius on the head and laughed, "I win this round James!"

James held up his hands. "Alright, alright!" he told me, "We surrender!"

"Hey! We're not giving up that easily!" exclaimed Sirius with shock and dismay.

"Come on let's go!" said James ignoring Sirius' protests.

As they left, James looked back giving me his infamous grin and a wave. I ignored the – _budump, budump_ – that was ringing through my ears, put on one of my roguish, tomboy grins and chucked him one of my chocolate frogs. He loved those. Once they were gone, I looked over at my silent comrade. She was holding her completely red face in her hands. "Hey! That's no way to react! We've got an image to hold up you know?!"


	3. And he falls for someone else

**And he falls for someone else**

_I guess his hormones only kicked in about a year later._

"Hey Kerry!" called out James.

I turned to him grinning happily. "Why does Lily Evans always hang out with Snivellus?"

I was slightly put off. "Huh?"

"Why is Lily always with Snivellus?" he repeated

I shrugged. "Because they're friends? It's always been like that James. Why the sudden interest?"

His face began to redden. "You like her?!" I asked incredulously.

He clamped a hand over my mouth and looked around suspiciously. "No one heard," I told him with an annoyed puff.

He drew out a sigh of relief. "So what do _you_ think of her?" he asked.

_I really did not like that conversation! However, you could say that, that was how my friendship with Lily Evans began. I decided to go and scope out my "rival"._

I approached her for a brief moment while she wasn't with Severus Snape. "Hey Lily Evans!"

She looked around surprised. "How are ya?" I asked

"Good," she replied, "Fine."

"I'm just taking an opinion poll," I told her, "What do you think of the infamous James Potter?"

She stared at me blankly for a while. "Uh, he's fine I guess."

"_Is that all?"_

I paused then gave her a quirky grin. "Well thanks!"

"_False alarm," _I told myself, _"Won't have to worry about her."_

"I've heard that he's a mischievous prankster and he has bothered Sev a few times, but I don't think he's too bad. He seems pretty nice actually."

"_Oh no, you don't!"_

"You're Kerry Young right?"

"_She knows my name? No wait! Of course she does!"_

"Uh yeah," I replied.

"Nice to meet you," she told me holding out a hand.

I laughed nervously and took it. "Nice to meet you too."

"_Grrr, goody-two-shoes!"_

James came running up to me once I was around the corner. "So?" he asked expectantly.

"So what?" I asked back nonchalant.

"So what did you talk about with her?"

"With who?"

"Lily Evans!"

His obvious excitement was starting to really annoy me. "You actually," I replied, "And she thinks that you're a no-good jerk!"

He was taken aback. "Re-really?"

I let out a sigh of frustration, "No! She's heard of your rep but, she says that you seem pretty nice."

His overflowing joy afterwards was almost too much. I scowled off into the distance. _"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean that you come to me with these things! I don't wanna know!"_

I had a thought. "Sooo," I asked with a playful smirk, "Do your fellow Marauders know about little Miss Evans or should I say the future Mrs. Potter?"

"You wouldn't!"


	4. He'll try

**He'll try**

_I guess I had it coming from then on. It was fate! After that day, James was determined to have Lily. He'd show off whenever she came by during quidditch practice. The Marauders' pranks started to become more and more risky and reckless. He'd talk to her whenever he got the chance. _

It was one of those days again. We were walking down one of the corridors when he spotted her. "Hey Lily!" he exclaimed with a cheerful smile.

"Hey James!" she replied.

She looked behind him. "Hey Kerry!"

"Oh hey!" I replied trying to sound enthusiastic with the best smile I could put on.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh me and Sev are probably going to Hogsmeade," she replied.

I chuckled at his attempt to hide his disappointment and disgust. "Why do you have to - ?"

"Oh hi Sev!" Lily greeted the scowling boy, who was approaching us.

He looked at her with a smile. "Hi Lily."

Once falling into step with her, he and James had a scowling competition behind Lily's back. I rolled my eyes. _"Boys!"_

"Well Sev and I have to go study in the library," said Lily bringing their attention back to her.

She and Snape headed out toward the library entrance. "See you two later!"

"See you Lily!" I replied with a smile.

"See you Lily," replied James with less enthusiasm.

"You're such an idiot!" I told him with a laugh.

He pouted. "No I'm not!"

"Oh no?" I asked.

I peered around at the people passing us by, put on a cheeky grin and called out, "James Potter is in lo - !"

He looked around in panic. "Cut it out!"

His hand on my mouth was so warm. I growled, "Fine, fine just let go of me!"

I noticed his reddened face and chuckled. "Well you're still an idiot!"

The rest of the 3 Marauders approached us. "Hey guys!"


	5. And he'll try again

**And he'll try again**

_She liked him well enough, but he couldn't seem to get past Severus Snape's icy glare. He could never get a moment alone with her. That's when things started to get ugly. The Marauders moved their game to a whole new level, kicking Janice and I out of the competition. The pranks they did were mean and sometimes even cruel, especially when it came to Snape. The James that I once knew had changed._

By our 5th year I was hanging out with Lily and Severus most of the time, while my partner in crime had nabbed herself a boyfriend, Rick Solomon. I watched the pair with narrowed eyes. _"Traitor!"_

I spotted Lily and Sev as I was walking, completely bored, through the library aisles. "Hey Lily!" I called out.

Lily waved. "Hi Kerry!"

"Sev."

Severus nodded. "What are you guys doing in the library on a sunny day like this?" I asked.

"Oh, the usual," said Lily.

"Studying," replied Sev in his usual serious tone.

"_What a one answer guy."_

"Sounds just great!" I told them with sarcasm, "You guys going out to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Sure," said Lily.

She turned to Severus, whose pale complexion tinted pink. He smiled. He only really ever smiled at her. "Of course."

I chuckled to myself and let them be. Turning back I met Severus' eyes and winked with a cheeky grin. I'm sure he mouthed me the word, "Idiot."

Of course, the Marauders were there that weekend too. If it hadn't have been for Lily, Severus never would have gone. When we went to go get a few butter beers, it seemed that the boys had done the manly thing and gotten themselves a few illegal fire whiskeys. We spotted them in one of the nearby alleyways. Peter was already knocked out cold. Remus was eyeing his. "You guys know that we shouldn't be drinking this," he was saying tentatively.

"_How typical."_

Meanwhile, Sirius and James had gotten themselves absolutely drunk. "Oh come on, Remus!" laughed Sirius bawdily, "Loosen up!"

"No he's right, you shouldn't be drinking that stuff!" exclaimed Lily approaching them, "You're all underage!"

Sirius offered me a flask. "Wan' some?"

I banged Sirius on the head. "Did you just hear what Lily said?"

"Ow!!! Kerry!" he whined.

I went to bash James too, who miraculously dodged my fist and went for Lily. He looked like a little boy approaching his idol. "Hey Lily!" slurred James, "How about going on a date today…right now?"

She turned to him with a look of disgust. She was about to say something, but turned instead and took Severus' arm. "Let's go!"

"You're never gonna get her like that!" I offered James, who was too upset even to bite back.

As I followed Lily and Sev toward the 'Three Broomsticks', I took a look back at the lot of them and shrugged my shoulders. "Not tonight boys!"


	6. And when his chance comes

**When he gets the chance**

_The look on her face that night was unforgettable - both scary and amusing at the same time. I'd found it amusing anyway. That night, none of us ever thought that James would ever have his chance, but we were all wrong. In our 6__th__ year, Lily started asking me questions._

"You've known him forever right?" she asked me one night.

"Who?" I asked pulling back my hair into a ponytail.

"James Potter."

I hid my fear and turned to her. "Yeah, why?"

"Do you know why he's like this?" she asked.

"Like what?"

"You know," she told me in frustration, "A stuck-up, bullying jerk!"

She sighed, "I thought he was nice before."

I silently agreed. "You really want to know?" I asked.

She nodded. "It's you Lily. He's head over heels for you and he'd do anything to get your attention!"

"Not to mention getting you away from Sev," I mumbled under my breath.

"Well that's no way to do it!" she exclaimed, "He has absolutely no guts at all!"

"And men have guts?" I laughed.

She laughed in response. "I just wish that he wasn't like that!" she told me.

"Yeah," I agreed, "Me neither."

There was a pause. "Do you know what's been bothering Sev lately?" she asked suddenly.

I laughed incredulously, "How should I know?!"

"If there was something I didn't know I'm sure you'd know it."

"Oh sure," I laughed.

To be honest there was one thing that I did know. Severus was head over heels for her as well. After all these years, you think he would have told her by now. _"Gutless – both of them; men…no…guys are so gutless. If there were a real man in this world, he'd have guts."_

"You know he's been getting involved in things," Lily sighed.

"Like what?" I asked.

"You know how the Slytherins are."

"And Sev always did love the dark arts."

Lily went silent. "Sorry Lily," I apologised.

"No it's fine," she told me, "It's fine."

I went to sleep worried for her that night and just in the corner of my mind, I was worried for myself too.


	7. He just might blow it

**He just might blow it**

_Then the incident happened._

I was approaching the tree that we always met at, when I heard a familiar voice say in the most malicious tone, "Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

No wonder no one was there yet. There was a circular throng of students nearby and it was coming from the centre. I dived through. "Chaleur baton!" I yelled aiming my wand at James, who was currently dangling Severus in the air by his feet.

I could actually see his wand becoming red hot. He instantly dropped it. Almost simultaneously, Severus dropped to the ground too.With what dignity he had left, he quickly regained an unsteady form of composure. _"Why doesn't he just wear shorts?"_

"I didn't ask for your help!" he spat.

"Isn't that what _"friends"_ are for," I bit back through clenched teeth, "Now get outta here unless you want another piece of the action!"

Lily and I had won the duelling competition that year rather than the ice queens who'd transferred from Beauxbatons the previous year, much to Sirius and James' disappointment. They had gone for it too. Severus gave James and the Marauders the most deathly glare, picked up his scattered belongings and left without another word. Most of the crowd dispersed and James scowled at me. "Wha-what?"

He looked to the side with an angry grimace. I could tell that he was angry at himself too. "J-James…"

"And she ruins our fun again!" announced Sirius.

"Shut up!" James and I yelled at him simultaneously.

I looked over at James and paused. "Is there something - ?"

Ignoring me he turned to leave. "James! I know that you're jealous!"

He turned around with a smug expression, but I could see the anger in his eyes. "Jealous of _him_?"

"_James stop this! It isn't like you!"_

"She'd rather hang out with him than with you! That's why you pick on him all the time! Oh sure he's a Slytherin, but do you even pay attention to any of them half as much as him?"

I could almost see his blood seething beneath his skin. I wondered if this had had anything to do with Lily. I looked at him pleadingly. _"Please listen to me James!"_

"What are you on ab - ?"

"You were a nice guy, James, but since this thing with Lily you've changed."

I turned to go. I wasn't about to allow him to see my tears. "What do you know?" he yelled to my back.

"Enough," I answered simply, "Good-bye James."


	8. But he'll try again

**But he'll try again**

_Remus filled me in on the "gory" details. I had just about given up on him at that time. I still hoped that he'd come around and in the end he did. It was her._

It took James several weeks to apologise. "Hey Evans, I'm sorry about what happened back then," he told her taking a seat next to her in potions, "I didn't mean for it to get so out of hand and I…"

"Save it," she told him, "It's fine. Besides I'm not the one you should be apologising to."

"Oh right," he laughed nervously.

That lunch break he approached the Slytherin table with reluctance. "Sniv…I mean Snape," he said standing behind Severus, who didn't move a muscle.

"What do _you_ want?" asked Severus in a dangerously low voice reaching for his wand.

"I-I want," stuttered James, "To apologise!"

Severus was taken aback by the sudden exclamation. "Well, you don't have to yell it Potter!" yelled Lucius Malfoy, who was seated next to Severus.

Severus was absolutely silent. "I-I'm sorry," said James pushing past his own stubborn pride.

Severus never said anything back. He _may_ have forgiven James for that one incident, but he would never forgive him for what was to come.


	9. Until he succeeds

**Until he succeeds**

_Instead of constantly hanging out with Severus, Lily was now seen everyday with James. They started going out and were official two weeks later. Lily had eventually forgiven James, but somehow she could never truly forgive Severus for what he'd said and for what she knew he'd been doing. I guess she didn't know how weak he could be; how uncertain he always was because of James Potter. The time to decide his loyalties came in senior year and now that his former best friend was with James Potter, the choice only came naturally. However, just because she hadn't fully forgiven him did not mean that she didn't still care. She went to see him one night before they had one of those meetings. _

"Sev, you can't do this!" exclaimed Lily, "You're a good person!"

"And you would know that how?" Severus asked coolly.

"Sev, we've grown up together! Just because your parents - !"

He cut her off, "This is my decision, not theirs!"

She backed off. "Fine! If that's your decision, then go ahead!"

She turned to leave and Severus' composure wavered. "Lily I-I…"

She paused and he stopped. He couldn't say it. It just wouldn't come out. Who would she choose in the end? No, it was hopeless. "Forget it!"

Lily put on a brave face and marched away, not looking back.


	10. And by then

**And by then**

_I guess that was the last time they ever spoke to one another. Then that day came. It was just before graduation. That night she told me._

"We're engaged!"

She gave me an eyeful of the petite golden ring on her left hand. For a while, all I could do was stare in shock. "Wh-whoa! That's so…"

This was it! I'd have to give up now! There was nothing left for me to say or do that could ever change things! I chewed down the swelling bitterness of defeat within me – the final defeat. "W-wow!" I exclaimed covering my mouth with a hand.

She approached me slowly, a strange, serious expression on her face. "But before I give him my final answer, I need to know: do _you_ like him?"

"_More than that! I love him! And I can never tell him how I feel," _I thought, _"Because he loves you."_

She repeated the question, "Do you like James?"

"You could say that," I replied with a yawn, pretending to have suddenly heard her, "He's been more of a brother to me than anything else."

I blinked open an eye to look at her and smiled apologetically. "Sorry," I told her, "Just deep in thought at the moment."

I turned to face her properly. "You know, since he's been after you, it's been my job to protect you from his likes."

I grinned. "You don't need that anymore though, do you?"

She blushed and I half admired her for it too. She was free to be one of the girls, but to the boys I'd be nothing more than one of the boys. I gave her a hug. "Congratulations Lily. Good Luck. I really love you both."

I could only think of one person, who'd be as happy as me at the announcement. I would have to be the one to tell him too. I approach him carefully – studying as usual. "Oi Sev!" I called out to him.

"What do _you_ want?" he asked testily.

I kept on walking and took a seat on the grass next to him. "Not in a good mood today? So I guess you've heard?"

"Heard what?"

"About Lily and James?"

He gritted his teeth and looked up at me from his work. "I am quite aware that they're dating. I am not so misinformed."

"The whole school knows that, idiot!" I yelled out angrily.

"Then why do you have to remind me?"

"Idiot! Just shut up and listen!" I told him, "You know that I'm as happy about it as you!"

"Sorry," he murmured.

There was a silence as we both looked down. "Th-they-they're…"

His eyes suddenly widened with frightened anticipation. "They're getting married!" I blurted out.

I'd actually said it! I clenched my teeth, but that didn't stop my tears. I used a hand to cover my face. Sev – he was dead frozen with shock, then the tears began to fall and I could just imagine the world falling around us both. Each of our hopes was dead.


	11. Your chance is gone

**Your chance is gone**

_Once we'd graduated, I thought it'd be good-bye to him. After that, there'd be the wedding and then what?_

_The wedding was all a blur to me. I was just there with a smile painted on my face and an automatic reply to anything, ready on my lips like voicemail, damming up the tears with who knows what. Everyone there was smiling so happily with laughter on their lips and in their eyes. It was bittersweet and agonising! As she walked up the aisle, I sat there. As they recited their vows, I sat there. As they exchanged rings, I sat there. Then finally as they shared their wedding kiss, the tears began to fall, just like that day back in late July. I plastered on a cheerful smile as if the tears were those of joy and clapped like everyone else. Then we shared in the celebrations._

I had to endure their wedding. He didn't, but I suspect that he might've been there. I saw him that night at the good old 'Three Broomsticks' of Hogsmeade. We'd had good memories there. I reminisced on the day that James had taken me out there for my birthday. It had been mid-year at mid-night! Those days, however, were over. There was nothing left for me, but the bitterness of defeat. I really hadn't set that many goals. "What are _you_ doing here?" Severus asked a slight slur to his voice.

I came out of my thoughts and frowned down at him dully. "Same thing as you, idiot!" I replied.

"What? Here to remember our bitter-sweet memories of high school while getting drunk on fire whiskey?"

With a devilish grin I snatched away his mug and skulled it down. I had never had fire whiskey before. "Okay!" I told him wiping my mouth, "The next rounds on me!"

"That's disgusting," he told me, "I just drank out of that you know."

I looked down at the mug and blinked. "You're right, but I'm not in the mood to care," I told him taking a seat.


	12. It's all over

**It's all over**

_So there we were, the two left-behind, broken hearts and it was all thanks to unrequited love. Both of us had never confessed, fearing what it seemed would have been, imminent rejection. Both of us had, in the process, lost a beloved best friend. Maybe we had brought it on ourselves. In the end, both of us had had to face the same bitter defeat because each of our best friends had met up, fallen in love and gotten married. None of that mattered any more. It was over for us._

I don't really remember what happened, but I felt dirty when I woke up. I vaguely remember someone kissing me and then kissing them back. It wasn't the sweet kiss that I'd always wanted from James Potter. It was rough, desperate and angry. I was suddenly aware that the room I was in was not my own and I turned to the left to see someone most unexpected - Severus Snape. I stumbled away and choked down a scream. Bile pushed its way up my throat. _"What have I done?!"_

I got dressed and out of there as quickly and as quietly as I could. Once I was out, I threw up in someone's garbage can. When I got home, I had a long cold shower.


	13. You lose

**You lose**

_Now, I'm pregnant with the baby of a man that I never even loved. I left him there that day hoping that he wouldn't suspect what had happened. I'm going to live in the muggle world to have my child, then to live in shame until the day that I die._

_Good-bye Sev._

_Good-bye Lily._

_Good-bye James…I love…_

**Author's Note:**

_Hearts are often broken… _

…_by words left unspoken._

If you want to know what became of her child see my next HP fanfic. Look out for the names Jordan and Kaaran.


End file.
